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    Shibber me Timbers


    We were driving the RV to Memphis and had picked up a band of pirates. They were getting all rowdy and swashbuckling around in a frenzy when our manger RSB called. Someone had called in that we were cruising around appalachia with an RV of rowdy pirates swerving around the road and firing canons at enemy tractor trailers. “Um, I got a call that you have a bunch of pirates in your RV. Do you know anything about that?” RSB inquires. “No.” I lie. “We just picked up a couple guys who were broken down and needed a lift” *away from phone* “Hey can you guys keep it down back there, It’s my boss on the phone…” Wait a minute, that wasn’t the phone ringing. It’s the alarm clock…

    That’s what I get for watching Star Wars III before going to bed. Ugh – 4:30 am, time to get up to go to the airport. Only got 4 hours of sleep… Joel drops us off at the airport. We check bags get to security and realize I accidentally typed in Anilia’s maiden name when I bought the tickets so her ticket says MAIDEN NAME and her ID says MARRIED. You’d think I’d remember we were married by now and that she changed her name. Luckily the lady lets us through security without too much of a fuss mostly because her name is unusual and not BETH or JANE. Oh and it is her birthday today. (Anilia’s not the security chick, well maybe hers too. How would I know…) Later I realize that I have her old passport with us too which does have her maiden name on it. But we don’t have to go through security anymore so it is a non-issue.

    We get to our layover in Chicago to find that the way finding signs there were all designed by dyslexic Chinese children, then poorly translated by middle eastern customer support phone operators and finally randomly hung up around the airport by retarded baboons who have escaped from substance abuse research labs. Eventually we find our terminal and that our flight has been delayed. Anilia plops down on the floor and I go and fetch us a salad. I bring it back and in my eagerness to please, I pop open the plastic container. The top half of the salad goes splattering onto the floor, leaving a plastic tub of lettuce and two chick peas in my hands. A flight personnel lady immediately appears to see which of the retarded baboons is running lose around the airport flinging salad around like it’s Feces Friday. I apologize and she assures me it’s ok with the same look I imagine she gives the little kids who just peed their pants in seat 16F.

    We sleep most of the flight into St. Louis. Go collect our bags and hop in a taxi. As usual we get the taxi driver who happens to be celebrating his first day in the country and we have to tell him how to get to where we are going even though we are not from here. We get to the RV dealer to pick up our RV and they have not retrieved it from where it has been repaired yet. SO a couple hours later we finally get our RV back and drive a couple more hours to Columbia. Now we have just eaten at a brand new Ruby Tuesday and checked into our RV park. Thoroughly exhausted we are ready for bed. Tomorrows forecast is a high of 36 with a 30 percent chance of snow tonight. Looks like we will be setting up inside again. Luckily we have a vast supply of matches should our locks ice up.

    Shibber me Timbers